Saturday, June 14, 2008

Frankie's 5 Men You'll Meet Before Mr. Right

If you've ever felt a sneaky suspicion he's not quite right for you, then you need to read our guide to the five boys that aren't forever material...
Generation Y dating habits swing between chronic impatience and the need to ‘try before we buy’. We all want to find Mr. Right NOW but don’t believe in settling for the first guy that comes our way. What? Basically, we are our own worst enemies. Most of us try on many partners to learn about ourselves, what we like and confirm our final choice is the absolute best available.

But for how long do we window shop? I often worry that if I wait until I am 30 to settle down all the good bargains will have been snapped up! OK, enough with the shopping metaphor but you see what I’m getting at. So, I have devised a ‘top 5 boys’ list of guys you should date before you settle down with the one.

The bad boyThink Tyler Durden from Fight Club or ‘Mad’ Max. He’ is intense, rough around the edges, a leader but also a bit of a loner, detached and a hard arse (hopefully has hard abs too!)
What’s attractive?Bad is hot. Big muscles, car grease, devil may care attitudes – yum yum! They ooze confidence and you love them paying attention to you. Everything they do is exciting, spontaneous and risky.
What’s not so attractive?His spontaneous behavior will also apply to you, he’ll stand you up, treat you mean and even embarrass you. His unreliable nature will wear thin pretty quickly as you begin to feel used and ignored. Intimacy is not a strength of his and the more you want it, the less he gives.
What he’ll teach you?Once you’ve seen the other side of the grass is not greener, you will be more content to stay on straight side of the wild side. You will appreciate the steadiness and loyalty of your final partner and truly understand that you cannot change people.
The passionate lover
Think Leo in Romeo and Juliet. The passionate lover is absolutely besotted with you, and you with him. You will want to spend every minute together and fulfill each other’s every need. A very intense emotional relationship with amazing highs and soul crushing lows.
What’s attractive?You feel like a goddess! You feel loved, worshipped and your estrogen levels are going crazy. Your world is filled with sunshine and lollipops.
What’s not so attractive?Suddenly the attentiveness becomes needy, overbearing and you feel suffocated. This kind of love is unsustainable and unhealthy. Many women will feel that they loose their sense of self and isolate loved ones.
What he’ll teach you?You will tackle the question ‘is love enough?’ and discover what else is important to you. Things such as compatibility, unconditionally support, truth and reality will lead you away from the fragile Disney picture of happily ever after.
The box ticker
Think Aidan Shaw in Sex in the City. The box ticker is the kind of guy your mother would pick, and your family will love him at Christmas dinners. He has a respectable stable job, is good with cars, can kill spiders and will always tell you your bum looks great in that skirt!
What’s attractive?It’s easy, everyone will love him and on paper, so do you. He treats you with respect and you can map out the rest of your blissful life together in a committed adult relationship.
What’s not so attractive?Predictable can be boring, life is too short not to reach for the stars. Your heart does not always agree with your head, and you may feel repressed and resentful in the future.
What he’ll teach you?This time the question, ‘is sensible enough?’ will plague you. Suddenly new things you hadn’t thought of before are important to you - like being challenged, learning and having passion.

The Chloe Handbag
Think Hollywood’s A list - Jude Law, Orlando Bloom or Jesse Metcalfe. He usually dresses like a model, is swarve, charismatic, charming and everyone will be so jealous of you!
What’s attractive?He is! And so are you when you are showing him off. Your photo album never looked better! You feel the need to introduce him to everyone you’ve ever met referring to him as ‘your boyfriend’ every opportunity you get!
What’s not so attractive?You know you deserve the finest in the world but you are secretly worried. Worried he’s going to cheat, you’re not attractive enough, why he is he with me at all and that it won't last. This leads to an insecure foundation and eventual heartbreak.
What he’ll teach you?Once you’ve proven to yourself you can get the stud you can focus on a 'good personality'. Personal priorities appear, ‘am I willing to spend that much time maintaining the outside appearance?' Your grandmother told you, but now you believe her ‘looks aren’t everything.'


The diamond in the rough
Think poor Albert Brennaman in Hitch or Harry Goldenblatt in Sex and the City. The diamond in the rough is an old-fashioned fixer upper. He is endearing, makes a good friend, is a tad socially awkward and usually has some random specialty.
What’s attractive?His comfortable and loving nature puts you at ease. You find his little flaws, that only you understand, charming. You value each other and smile when you think about him.
What’s not so attractive?It may be difficult for your friends and family to understand the attraction and to accept him straight away. His faults will become too hard to look past making you frustrated, and the rough may mean you are not as attracted to him as you want.
What he’ll teach you?He will teach you the value in getting to know the genuine individual within and that nobody is perfect, even you.
Once you have been with these five you will have experienced a variety of the highs and lows that love offers. You will have learnt what’s truly important to you and the strengths you can offer to your Mr. Forever. Don’t forget, he’s out there trying to find you too!

Good Luck!
Frankie

Frankie's Oprah Career Makeover

Taking this month’s theme to heart, our girl Frankie called in Oprah for a little help to find her career G spot! This month she talks us through how you too can utilize your individual strengths to shine in all facets of your life, including your career!
What’s the deal?
I, like many young women, am searching for a meaningful career where I enjoy getting up in the morning. I want to contribute to society, earn good money and be happy. When I heard about the free online eight part workshop I thought, ‘This is it! A way to pinpoint my strengths and work towards my perfect job, now!’
Each session runs for approximately 20 minutes and helps you identify your individual strengths and weaknesses. It then teaches you how to utilize them to love your job. Each session can be listened to via iTunes or streamed as a webcast.
Oprah’s involved?
Of course! We know I love Oprah and now I love her friend Marcus Buckingham, a well known career expert too! As well as being a gorgeous English graduate from Cambridge, he has revolutionized the world of employee productivity and leadership; spending two decades helping people find their own strengths and long-lasting personal success.
What’s in it for me?
Most workers spend 90% of their day on things they don’t like doing! Buckingham aims at reducing that to only the essential 25%, and then tries to make those things fun too! His biggest catch cry is, ‘Stop trying to improve your weaknesses!’, as most people do not change; they simply become more intense versions of themselves. Buckingham looks at making sure we work at intensifying our strengths!
What should I tell my boss so she’ll help me?
Managers should be rejoicing your interest in identifying your strengths, so tell your boss “Buckingham says, ‘companies that focus on cultivating employees' strengths rather than simply improving their weaknesses stand to dramatically increase efficiency while allowing for maximum personal growth and success.” She will definitely be impressed!


Sounds great! How do I get started?
1:
Click here to visit Oprah's site and download the homework sheets. Yes, there are questions to be answered between sessions.

2:
The first session asks you to keep a list of things throughout a week that you love (feel strong doing) and loath (feel weak doing) e.g. ‘I felt strong when I was being spontaneous and taking a risk’ and ‘I felt weak when I was wasting time’.

3:
Watch the classes in order and listen to Buckingham’s great ideas and activities. He discussed, ‘strength statements’, the Peter principle, goal setting, myth busting and much much more.
What are my favourite lessons?
I learnt a lot from this course which I have been able to use straight away in my work and home life. The idea that, ‘just because you are good at something does not mean it’s a strength!’ opened my eyes to the guilt I felt from not enjoying things others think I am good at. Use the table below to find out if the activities you undertake are hobbies, strengths or weaknesses. We are aiming for all yes.









Then, once we have understood what a strength is we can use these strategies to improve it.

Strength Strategy – ‘FREE’
Focus: Identify your strengths in your current job, how can we do more of these?
Release: Identify missed strength opportunities and deliberately try to incorporate them in your daily role
Educate: Is there a skill you could learn to improve a strength?
Expand: Push your job towards your strengths, highly successful people don’t ‘find’ their perfect jobs, they build them

I’ve found my G spot, now I’m hungry for more job satisfaction…

The Oprah website has lots of information on Buckingham and his work, but if you decide to buy the most recent Gallup book, ‘Strength Finder 2.0’ you can use the code from there and log onto StrengthsFinder.com to take the ‘strength finder quiz’.
Oprah has interviewed lots of interesting business people and employment specialists. Click here to visit Oprah's site to get career advice from 'The Donald' (Donald Trump, including his controversial answers to ‘Should women use sex appeal to get ahead?’ and ‘Do you think it's a sign of weakness if a woman cries at the workplace?’
Whatever you do, do it regularly and do it with conviction. The only person who can best assess opportunities for you, is you! I found taking the course helped me believe I have individual strengths and that these strengths should be maximized in my work for the greatest results. Once you know who you are, shine.
Love Frankie xxx

Dear Frankie: Is he just a rebound?





Q: Dear Frankie,
I recently got out of a very unhealthy relationship with a guy I thought was 'the one', and who I would spend the rest of my life with. I am now in a new relationship, seven months later, and I'm not sure whether or not this is a rebound. My heart is telling me that I have true feelings for this new guy, although my mind seems to be second guessing my decision.

I really think I have feelings for this guy, but some of my thoughts keep strolling back to my old significant other. I'm confused about what to do, without seeming desperate to my new guy.

I believe that my new man is starting to catch on to my insecurity. How do I figure out whether or not this new relationship is meant to be, or if it's just a rebound?

Confused Heart


A: Dear Confused Heart,

I can hear the true angst you are feeling and I’ve spent the week pondering what the essence of the problem really is. Maybe you are:
1) Secretly missing the ex?

2) Trying to find an excuse not to stay with the new ‘rebound’ guy?

3) Genuinely worried about settling, worried you’ll miss out on something better?
If you’re missing the ex – snap out of it! Easier said then done I hear you say, but he sounds like the jerk of jerks, a waste of unhealthy time. If you do find your mind wandering back to him spend the time thinking about the lessons he taught you; ‘He taught me to always respect myself and expect others to do the same’ or ‘He taught me next time not to rush into intimacy so quickly.’ Be grateful that something positive came out of that relationship, then think good riddance!

Second option is more subconscious. I have never understood the term ‘rebound’. Does this mean every boyfriend after your first boyfriend is a rebound? It seems ridiculous! Another silly social faux par made up so people can judge you - get with a guy too quickly and you’re on the rebound – too slowly and you’re destined to be Bridget Jones? Don’t let others dictate your behavior, you are the only one that knows how long your heart takes to heal and how long during the last relationship you were hurting.

Finally, you seem to be like many women waiting for the ‘meant to be’ guy. We believe in the magic of ‘the right place and right time’ but then restrict it to after a period of being single? Nice guys are hard to find on a good day with a compass! Don’t risk losing this new one over nothing. If you’re still not sure maybe tell him you want to have some fun with it! Slow down, the guy probably doesn’t want to commit too heavily yet either.

So Confused Heart I would recommend you listen to your instincts. What is the real problem here? Basically, we want to avoid throwing the baby out with the bathwater!’ If you decide he’s just a rebound and you would rather wait for ‘the one’, get rid of him and wait. Or, if the problem is your own perception and expectations (the bathwater) work them out while you work on your relationship too (the baby).
Good luck!!

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Tuesday, June 10, 2008

BUSINESS PERSON OF THE MONTH

Steve Vizard

Mr. Vizard has been receiving a lot of press in the past few years and probably a lot of us are still confused as to what he really did. Basically he didn’t listen to his own advice on insider trading he gave to the Sunday program in July 2000.

"You have to inform every board you are on of the business you are involved with ... you have to tell them you are involved with that business, declare your position, not be involved in any decision-making process that the company you are involved with makes."

This isn’t just good advice, this is the commonwealth law of any board of directors.

Stephan William Vizard was born 6 March 1956 (1956-03-06) in Richmond Victoria and is an old Carey Grammar boy. He is married with five children. Originally a corporate lawyer after graduating from Melbourne University Law he moved to television in 1989. He produced the comedy show, ‘The Eleventh Hour’ and won a Golden Logie in 1991 for his work in ‘Fast Forward’.
Other awards include his 1997 Order of Australia, for service to the community, through his established Vizard Foundation, and to the arts. Earlier this year he returned this award after the insider trading scandal. In 2002, he received the Australian Father Of The Year award.
He retired from television in the mid 1990’s and went back into business and philanthropy. In 1996 he became one of the directors of Telstra for four years. During the final year of his term at Telstra claims of $3 million of accountancy fraud and insider trading arose between Vizard and a college. In 2005 he was fined and sentenced to 10 years disqualification.
Moral of the story: Stick to what you’re good at and don’t get too greedy.