Q: Dear Frankie,
I have a rather strange and random ex boyfriend. We broke up at the start of the year and even though he lives overseas (which is why we broke up) we still keep in touch. After not hearing from him in two weeks, he randomly emailed me asking if I wanted to go on a ‘free no-strings attached, fun holiday’ with him! He said he’d fly me overseas and pay for everything! I still really care about him, but I have moved on, and I know it would never work between us (we tried long distance and it didn’t work). By the way he kept repeating the words ‘no-strings attached’ and ‘just fun’, I don’t think he wants to get back either (but it does sound like he wants some easy sex!).
It would be cool to hang out with him again and I would love a free holiday (who wouldn’t?!) but I’m worried that it might open up a whole can of worms… I’m scared I might fall back in love or want to try again… I really, really want to say yes (even though I realise it’s an international booty call!) but I’m not sure.
How would I explain it to my friends and family? And if I did go, how should we act? Like friends or ‘lovers’? Should I even go at all?! And what the heck is he even thinking offering?! Help a confused girl out!
A: Dear Confused,
An international booty call, how exotic?! WRONG! You didn’t say how long you were with him but to have moved on in five months is a fantastic feat! I wouldn’t jeopardize that for anything. I understand that lots of girls want to remain friends with their ex’s, but I have no idea why! But even if a regular friend invited you on a holiday you wouldn’t go if you knew there was a chance they would treat you badly, or heaven forbid use you for sex!
Why did he ask? Boys will always ask for two reasons; one, they want to make sure all possible options and doors are open as they are indecisive buggers and two, they don’t understand ‘getting over people’. It’s all very grey for them, they don’t label relationships like we do - ‘boyfriend’ ‘friend’ ‘ex boyfriend’, and conduct our behavior in accordance to the rules associated with that label.
But back to you! Yes, it might be cool to hang out with him again but it would probably be cool to have your mum make you a colorful birthday cake again, but we don’t do these things anymore, we’ve moved on! Follow your instincts; Oprah reminds us that a ‘maybe’ is as good as a ‘no’. Don’t fill your life with half experiences! If you think your family and friends would disapprove ask yourself why. Maybe they recognize he’s a bad influence on you? Or realise it will probably end in tears rather then a nice suntan?
I worry that for a holiday it would be more games then relaxing. If you did go the only way to act would be distant and detached so he knows you’re not interested in getting back together and shield yourself from getting hurt again. But where’s the fun in that holiday? Sounds like work to me! I’d rather wait until I could go on a holiday I paid for that fitted all my wants. Allow me to quote Destiny’s Child when I say, ‘The shoes on my feet, I’ve bought it, the clothes I’m wearing, I’ve bought it, ‘Cause I depend on me.’
Life is short and you are young. Don’t waste another second working on a jigsaw puzzle that you know is missing half the pieces!
